I knew the offer was subject to availability and I guessed correctly what that would mean. The 105 was out of stock but the next model up which was available was just £50. I said I’d think about it and walked out. A few days later I searched the Internet for people selling the 105 4G phone and found Argos had them for £13.50. Some offer: “You can have it cheap for just 44% above the usual price!” I bought it from the cheaper supplier who did have it in stock.

It came with a Vodafone SIM, but as I don’t want yet another mobile phone account I just left that in its packet and transferred my existing SIM and began setting up the new phone. I soon realised it’s not as good as the old one in many ways. The buttons are prone to unwanted contacts and bounces which take me further than I want to go. Most things have to be confirmed by pressing the direction button right in the middle without closing any of the four other switches operated by the same button. That’s difficult to do so I often find myself in the wrong function. Whereas the old phone’s predictive text could be clicked through the optional words with a simple press of a button, this one needs the central confirmation, which often confirms the wrong word. The old one could be toggled between Upper and Lower case with another single button and automatically selected a leading capital after a full stop. This one needs that capital selected manually and I have to cycle through the whole set of entry options to go back. In other words, it’s horrible for texting. With incoming texts it tends to show only one screenful and then give me a website to go to to view the rest, which isn't much use when I have to pay to see it and I have to log in when I have no account on the site. Put simply, the old phone was much better.

Then I started getting the texts. They weren’t exactly new, but I thought now I had a 4G phone I shouldn’t get them. They told me my phone was a 3G one and needed replacing. I thought I’d better check. The O₂ website has a page for checking device compatibility. Sure enough, it showed my new 4G phone wasn’t. I was shocked. I checked the box and the instructions which came with the phone. They were very clear, promising the greater clarity of 4G speech using VoLTE on networks which support it. Was it a fake, then? Are Argos selling duds? O₂ seemed to think so. I noted the exact model number and tried that in the compatibility page. Again it came back as a 3G phone which needed replacing.

Puzzled, I searched the Internet for information on the exact model. I found it was advertised for use on 4G by Vodafone, Three and, you’ve guessed it, O₂. Now I was even more puzzled. How could O₂ advertise the same phone on their website as both one which needed replacing and a replacement for itself? Only they could answer that, so I tried to contact them but this proved as difficult as contacting any business these days, so I raised a complaint about inconsistent and unclear information on their website. They seemed to be telling me I need a 4G phone, but not just any 4G phone — one with special properties they won’t divulge.

It was around this time I made a second discovery. My old Nokia 2310 GSM phone which I’d been told was 3G-only isn’t 3G. GSM, it turns out, is the technical term for 2G. Although operators and Ofcom would like to discontinue the use of 2G they can’t at present because too many emergency and medical devices used by vulnerable and hard-to-find people rely on it. 2G is therefore staying on for a few more years until a way can be found to replace all these older alarms with ones using newer technologies. My old phone would therefore not have been switched off anyway, so far as I can tell. Maybe I should just go back to it.

I need a definitive answer because if the new phone isn’t 4G I should be able to reject it and return it to the seller, but only if that’s true, and it’s not clear. The complaint seems to confuse O₂. They seem to have difficulty grasping the idea they should give clear and consistent instructions to their users. I have pointed them to the two web pages and they have simply suggested I go and ask in one of their shops, as if that would clarify anything when their published information is self-contradictory. However, as I found myself unexpectedly free yesterday I decided to take the bus into town, because it was not cycling weather. The most frequent bus is the M1, but how horrible it is. They’re so hard-sprung they’re only really fit for carrying goods. Passengers are shaken so violently I always get a headache and a dazed vague feeling after riding in one, and I worry about brain damage. Will Metrobus passengers finish up punch-drunk, I wonder? What a horrible thought. However, I think I might avoid the route in future, just in case. The buses on other routes seem a little softer-sprung and are much more comfortable as a result. At least, they don't hurt my head.

The young lady in the shop seemed confused by my question. She hadn’t come across her employer’s compatibility web page and said so. I hadn’t the URL with me so couldn’t show her where it was, but she recognised my phone as the one they sell as an entry-level replacement and told me so long as it really was the same model and my SIM really was compatible I would have no trouble, which wasn’t much help as that is what I was trying to find out. However, it was obvious no one in the shop had a clue so I was, as I'd expected, wasting my time. I thanked her and left.

I took a different bus home.

I am, of course, no further on, but I didn’t expect to be. At least if they tell me to visit the shop I can say I’ve tried that and keep pressing for a resolution, which simply means correcting whichever information is wrong or clarifying precisely what is needed so I can remedy my situation. However, I only moved to O₂ because Virgin treated me badly, kept promising a refund which never turned up, and eventually claimed to have sent it to the wrong address. I never got it and I fled to O₂ to get a better service. Then Virgin merged with O₂ and I’m back where I started.